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Dec 19, 2017
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Anonymous asked: Hi sorry to load this on u but idk who else to tell. I just needed to vent. My dad is normally an awesome person, but he has issues w anger sometimes. He gets rly offended easily. Tonight he complained abt dinner bc my mom gave him leftovers. i could tell mom was sad so i told him that it wasn't that nice that he said that. But he got upset & told me: what's not nice is not living in a place where he has the right to say what he wants. Then he told my lil bro he had an ignorant big sister. idk.

I’m sorry to hear about this. For now, try to calm down, it’s great that you found someone to tell it to and thank you for trusting me for that. Be there for your mom and comfort her. As for your dad, look for a time to tell him what you told me, when he’s alright to talk. Soon is great but it doesn’t have to be right away. Opinions about anything are not bad but being ungrateful with what your mom could give to him (for the time being I presume? I’m sure she doesn’t give him left overs all the time) is a different thing. I guess explain to him as well why he’s given leftovers;; you say your dad is normally awesome so I’m sure he’ll listen. But if he still doesn’t, maybe something’s bothering him? You can also try and get that out of him too. 

I’m not sure about your full FULL story (bc you’re on anon lol) but yeah, if I was in your shoes, I’d just open up and be there for them. You guys will be alright. Take care!       

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  35. tectonic-pentameter said: (also you really don’t have to respond to anything I’ve said, I mostly wrote in case anon is reading the replies, but if you do reply to any of this in a separate post is there a way you can take what I wrote and not attribute it to me? I’d like to remain semi-anonymous as well, though I understand I made a calculated risk by simply replying and not messaging on anon myself)
  36. tectonic-pentameter said: Also, ceejles, I’m really sorry if what I wrote added any additional stress, I have a few irl friends from college I talk to when I need support so I am doing okay, I just thought it prudent to provide a perspective of “talking when he’s not angry is great if you’re not sure he’s abusive, but look for the signs and if you determine that he is then maybe don’t talk to him, don’t provide more ammunition.” I hope you and anon both have happy holidays, and that it isnt abuse
  37. tectonic-pentameter said: a bribe or a tactic to make one of us jealous of another or to make us minimize the extent of the abuse in our heads (“he can’t be all bad, he took us for ice cream yesterday”) etc. If anon’s dad is like my dad, talking to him later will only give him more ammunition and the best thing you can do until you can get out is to just be there for each other, not give into the mind games, and don’t take the bait or provide extra ammunition.
  38. tectonic-pentameter said: I have mixed feelings about this advice (which if I find it difficult to swallow is not a judgement on you at all, ceejles, I’m just adding another perspective). If anon’s dad is like hazel-sage’s dad then great, maybe talking later will do the trick, I certainly hope so. My dad is abusive and does the same thing to my mom. Maybe when I was younger I might have described him as “otherwise awesome” but I eventually realized that he was only nice to one of us as (½)
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